To betray one’s parents is in fact to stop betraying oneself. Eudes Séméria, psychologist
When I read Eudes Séméria’s book, The Four Fears that Stop Us from Living, I realized that I still had a long way to go to free myself from the influence my parents have on me. This is also what adult life is all about. Adulting, is not just about being able to afford the things you want, it’s about asserting yourself.
To have the courage to say no when you don’t feel like doing a favor. Refusing politely but firmly, even when someone tries to make us feel guilty. Say « I told you so. I don’t want to do that. » Realizing that being firm doesn’t make us look like a « bad » person, but just like someone who knows what they want. This applies to our parents, to our family relationships but also in life in general.
To be an adult is to honor yourself, to respect the commitments you have made to yourself. By freeing ourselves from the weight of our parents’ judgment, we will be able to lighten our mental and physical load. Because everything is linked. Our relationship with our parents has an impact on the relationship we have with others. Improving our family relationships will have a positive impact on all aspects of our life: love relationships, friendships, professional relationships…
Dare to say things, dare to express yourself despite the fear of what others will think. Dare to remove the seeds of fear before they sprout. It’s a process that will certainly take time but will bear fruit. The hardest part is always the beginning. But little by little, even for those still financially or emotionally dependent on their parents, cut the cord. Love is supposed to be unconditional and definitely not conditional on your obedience.
Take care of yourself.