Never perfect, always trying.
Why did I stop posting for over a year on my blog?
To tell you the truth I don’t think I have the answer to that question yet. But I have my own idea anyway. I created this blog because I was feeling confused during my university exchange in a small town in Germany. I remember walking along the sidewalk on an outing in Berlin and having some kind of « Why not me? Why don’t I create a space on the Internet where I can tell people everything that’s on my mind? A space where I will give advice like I do in my everyday life with my girlfriends. But it’s a crazy project, isn’t it? Having to create a website, trying to understand how SEO works, what colors to use, what topics to cover, how to know if my articles will be well written? Lots to learn and I was as usual going into a crazy project just because I believed, a tiny part of me believed that I could maybe succeed. »
At first everything was going well, I took several days to create the website, understand how WordPress worked… Then I posted my first article about my solo trip to Prague which I loved. I talked about how this city had charmed and transformed me. Then it was the beginning of a beautiful story that lasted several months. Every two weeks I had to write a new article on a new theme. I wrote about racism in Germany, Christmas presents, African currencies, toxic relationships… When I think back, my topics were very varied. But at least I was writing.
And then I finished my exchange and returned to France. The return to the family home, the COVID, then the end of the lockdown, the work. The feeling that « I didn’t have time anymore », the thoughts: « I have to focus on my work », « the blog is over », « people are not interested anymore ». These thoughts that made me believe that my time was a data that I didn’t control, that didn’t depend on me. These thoughts that made me believe that « success » at work had to come first, that I had to do only one activity in the day at the risk of not giving my best.
I call it « the pressure to be perfect » or « the pressure to be the best ». That pressure can take you far. It can lead yout to attend one of the best business schools, to create a blog in 4 days, to create a coaching program in 1 week, to always do your internships in big companies to have a brilliant resume. So it seems useful this pressure, right? It seems to take you a long way, doesn’t it?
But does this pressure take you towards what you really like? Doesn’t this pressure create in you a fear of failure? A fear of « How do I do it when I’m not the best? How do I do it when for once I don’t get what I want? » This pressure has caused me to give up my blog, sports, some of the things I love because « There’s no point in putting myself out there if I don’t give it my all. » « If I don’t publish an article every week, there’s no point in writing. »
The pressure to be perfect, it’s true, pushes us to do things few people would have thought possible. But it can also drive us to do the irreparable: to give up what makes us tick because we feel like there’s no point in trying if we can’t excel at it.
Hence the point: Live for yourself and not for that little voice in your head. I’m going to start by taking my own advice and accepting the fact that I am who I am. I am a person who is passionate about blogging and yet doesn’t feel like forcing myself to plan a certain number of articles per month. That’s ok, and more importantly, that’s the person I am.
Take care of yourself.