I’m writing these words on a Monday at 2:00 in the morning.
I find it hard to describe the feeling my body is experiencing. It’s really weird. I feel my muscles tense as if they’re trapped. My throat feels tight as if I was holding myself back from screaming. But now I understand. I feel sad. And my whole body is resisting so as not to collapse.
During this period of lockdown, I had to move. Leave everything. Because I couldn’t get along with my mother anymore. I realized that we had a relationship that could be called « toxic. » And yes, spoiler alert, it’s possible to have a toxic relationship with someone in your family, with anyone, in fact.
Note that nobody is toxic per se. My mom is not toxic or bad or evil. Just like I’m not perfect. What can be toxic is the form and substance of relationships. It is the personality of an individual or the dynamics of a relationship that will awaken character traits in us or emotions we don’t want to feel: stress, fear, lack of control… When we exchange with this person, we have the impression that we have to become someone else to be accepted, to be loved.
The problem with toxic family relationships is that they impact all our other relationships. If we accept that our needs are less important, that we only deserve to be loved when we act in a certain way within our family, then we recreate this in our other relationships. Friendly relationships, professional relationships, loving relationships. We continue to believe that we cannot be loved 100%. That you can’t be loved if you are 100% yourself. It’s almost easier to accept the fact that you have to become another person to be loved than it is to set limits and decide that you deserve better.
The final problem specific to toxic family relationships is habit. The habit over the years of not being loved unconditionally. To be loved only if you are « nice » and do what you want even if you don’t feel like it. We are so used to it that we believe that unconditional love cannot exist, that it is a myth. But it’s not. It’s been hard for me to understand this, but I’ve succeeded. I’ve managed to set limits and stick to them. I’ve managed to learn to love myself unconditionally. And I can teach you that, too.
I can teach you to believe in yourself and to develop the energy to get out of a toxic relationship, to create a daily life that you enjoy. A daily life where you dare to overcome your fears and launch the projects that are dear to your heart. Ose! (Dare in english). I dare you to join me.
We start on April 22nd. Registration will be possible from April 15, 2020. If you want to learn to love yourself, without limits, without conditions, join me!